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  • Brett Johnson

Bank Accounts by Google: Two Criminals React



Cybercrook A: Doing Morning ReCon reading the news for anything which might be of interest. Sees Google is going into the banking business. Gets on Jabber with OTR to talk to his buddy.


Cybercrook A: Hey Dude.


Cybercrook B: Hey.


Cybercrook A: Hey.


Cybercrook B: What’s going on?


Cybercrook A: Not much. Just reading the news. Flipboard.


Cybercrook B: Anything of interest?


Cybercrook A: Nah, not much. Same old shit. Well, there was one thing….


Cybercrook B: ?


Cybercrook A: What?


Cybercrook B: What one thing?


Cybercrook A: Do what?


Cybercrook B: What one thing, asshole?


Cybercrook A: OH! That. Well, Google is going into the banking business. Going to

start offering checking accounts.


Cybercrook B: No….


Cybercrook A: Oh, yes.


Cybercrook B: You cant be serious.


Cybercrook A: Read for yourself— https://www.theverge.com/2019/11/13/20962745/google-checking-account-citigroup-stanford-pay-banking-financial-services-cache


Cybercrook B: Ha! Outstanding. Love it.


Cybercrook A: Pretty good, eh?


Cybercrook B: Good? Someone who has no experience with banking is going into the ban king business? Best news Ive read all day. Cha-fucking-ching!


Cybercrook A: Make things a lot easier with those synthetic profiles.


Cybercrook B: Make things a lot easier all the way around.


Cybercrook A: Well, until they get smart.


Cybercrook B: Take them months to do that. Big Old Google? Nothing happens overnight.


Cybercrook A: Cha-ching.


Cybercrook B: Cha-ching.


That’s an imaginary conversation, but likely close to the thoughts and feelings of online criminals across the planet upon reading that news. I’m hoping Google takes the time to have proper security and brings in the financial institution experience they need to make sure fraud is a top priority. We will see. In the meantime, countless cybercrooks are chanting in unison’--Cha-Ching.

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